Ben and the Benevolent Birthday

Benjamin turned 5 on December 3rd. He was greeted by our new pet dog, "Lewis", balloons and a bevy of presents. Lewis is our imaginary real dog because certain higher-ups have deemed pets to be a detriment to dormitory living. When I am queen of the world, RDs WILL be allowed to own a family pet. As some of you know, December 3rd is only partially Ben's birthday. If you put a 2 in front of the 3, that would be a more accurate representation of when he actually entered the world. But we are not cruel literalists. If we were, Ben would be celebrating his birthday every year in the car while driving to some relatives house where he would be receiving his birthday/Christmas gifts on the 23rd of December... no school celebration, no special day, just a blip in the Christmas rush acknowledging his presence. By having it on the 3rd on the other hand, Benjamin will grow up to be a healthy well adjusted adult with friends and a warm feeling towards his parents. I also wonder why generation after generation of families are burdened down with names like John Boobneck or Ashley Longbottom when some benevolent relative along the way could have changed a letter or two and transformed the middle school experience of every subsequent child in the family. At the very least, John Benneck and Ashley Longton would be grateful.