California Ranch

Almost every day I pass this one house on Naperville road that makes me laugh out loud. I had never noticed it before since it is on a road of mainly ranch and forgettable split level homes. A few years back, when we were looking to invest in a house in Wheaton, a real estate listing caught my eye. It said something about a unique California Ranch home that "brings the West coast East" or something like that. Being by birth an Easterner and by occupation a Midwesterner, I have always secretly held in my mind the insecure notion that although we were the more established heart of America, they were the more desirable and exotic sibling. So when I heard California Ranch, my imagination was piqued. When American advertisers want to make something sound more desirable, they Europize it... "Swedish moisturizing system" "Le Petite Cuttery" and when the Midwest wants to pique interest they head west to things like the Hollywood Diet and the California Ranch.
I memorized the address because I wanted to find out exactly what a California Ranch looked like. I think in my mind I thought it would be a cross between a Franklin Lloyd Wright and some kind of Vancouver Cottage (see above picture.) Since the road is very busy, I kept missing it, but I would tuck the address away again for my next pass through. This went on for about a month, until I became very purposeful to find this gem of a house plucked from coastal California and now living in Wheaton, Illinois. My first purposeful pass through, I thought I must have gotten the wrong house, but coming back the other way I confirmed that it was indeed my trophy. The first thing that you notice is that the roof does not conform to the boring Midwestern standard of the A frame, this roof is flat and cutting edge like a U-Store-It unit, so that there is no wasted space above your heads for the heat to just wander about frivolously. And this same roof also forms the open air garage/portico which is so desirable to northerners. You can still experience the fresh kiss of winter while getting into your car AND at the very same time, take up a third of your yard with pavement. And for a mere 280 k all this luxury can be yours and will be wrapped up in a thimble sized lot on a busy road. The whole thing reminded me of those women seeking men advertisements where the woman describes her 'hasn't-exercised-in-twenty-years-while-eating-Funyons-on-the-couch' figure as "Rubenesque" and her four neglected and scurvy Alpacas become "owner of thriving business."